itsbrotherfuckingwincest:

so maybe i’m just stupid or something, but it took me until, like, this week to really get the full effect of sam’s jump in swan song. the boy was watching his own fists beat his brother to a pulp, knowing that the world may or may not end depending on the strength of his resolve, and he stood for only several seconds trying to come to grips with the fact that he was about to die. i tend to overlook the absolute finality of that decision with thoughts like, ‘it’s a show, he’s a lead, he can’t die,’ and ‘they renewed the show for next season, he’s not really dead,’ but sam really, really, really died. he actually overcame lucifer, and jumped into hell with only a few seconds of emotional preparation, and it was forever. he did not expect to ever be alive again. he died having done - in his mind, i think - absolutely nothing that he’d always wanted. he didn’t graduate stanford, didn’t become a lawyer, didn’t build a life outside what his father had forced on him. he never started a family or got a chance not to feel like the weight of the world rested on him or understood the sheer depth of love that dean has for him. and he killed himself anyway, because he loved dean, and that was enough. he was only 27 years old. i will never understand how anyone can not be genuflecting before everything sam winchester is.